It never ceases to amaze in how self centred and self-righteous some women are. This blog article has been making the Facebook circuit and is an example of just how dishonest neo-feminists are not only to others, but to themselves:
Basically, that article is nothing more than a childish whine that the author’s feelings are not catered to. She uses all the typical subterfuge and deceitful tactics of propaganda artists. Here is a detailed analysis of why her rant is nothing more than a Victims-R-Us bit of dishonesty:
Perfect Beings in an Imperfect World: Oh the Humanity!
There’s this thing that happens whenever I speak about or write about women’s issues. Things like dress codes, rape culture and sexism. I get the comments: Aren’t there more important things to worry about? Is this really that big of a deal? Aren’t you being overly sensitive? Are you sure you’re being rational about this?
Every. Single. Time.
And every single time I get frustrated. Why don’t they get it?
I think I’ve figured out why.
They don’t know.
They don’t know about de-escalation. Minimizing. Quietly acquiescing.
Oh for shame. Why is it that neo-feminists simply refuse to take responsibility for their own “feelings”? While the fallacy of relative privation doesn’t negate the existence of any given tort, things like dress code and sexism are usually alarmist and based on tenuous exaggerations. That concepts like “rape culture” are often supported by carefully misrepresented “facts” it is hardly a stretch to understand that few people will entertain the “victims-r-us” attitude of quasi-egalitarians.
While it is understandable that the prudent individual will de-escalate when they perceive they are at a disadvantage, the question really should be, “In general, how do women act when they perceive they are not in any immediate or potential future harm?” The answer is not surprising. When they feel protected, many women (and in particular those “de-escalating” neo-feminists) are aggressive and hostile. Have you not figured out that most men see this? Many women are passively aggressive when they feel vulnerable, but openly antagonistic when they don’t. We see it all the time. The vitriol and unabashed attacks launched by women against men through the safety of the Internet is disturbing. If you don’t agree with their complaints, there are few punches these “quietly acquiescing” women will hold back. When confronted with their cognitive dissonance online, modern feminists immediately retreat to ad hominem and childish insults. This usually takes about 1 post to reveal.
You’ve figured out nothing. You are just rationalizing. Stop lying to yourself. People have no patience for the self-absorbed “I’m the victim” whining by neo-feminists because that is all it is. The level of dishonesty in specious claims like the “wage gap” or “rape culture” has left few with any sympathy.
Born to be Wiley
Hell, even though women live it, we are not always aware of it. But we have all done it.
We have all learned, either by instinct or by trial and error, how to minimize a situation that makes us uncomfortable. How to avoid angering a man or endangering ourselves. We have all, on many occasions, ignored an offensive comment. We’ve all laughed off an inappropriate come-on. We’ve all swallowed our anger when being belittled or condescended to.
You speak as if men are not aware that they themselves are often not in a position of authority or advantage. Few are the biggest and toughest in any given situation. Few are the “boss” in any given situation. If men didn’t know when to acquiesce it stands to reason that there would be a lot of men in various states of physical injury (since they wouldn’t have backed down). Yet, we don’t see that. The truth is that men are totally aware of the concept of discretion and practice it daily.
Men ignore the odd offensive comment. They laughed off the disrespectful refusal. Many have swallowed their anger when being marginalized or talked down to. The difference is that immature women (and that would be most that subscribe to the fallaciously founded neo-feminism) think that only women are oppressed. What’s laughable is seeing how a person of the locally privileged ethnicity think he or she knows anything about what it feels like to be marginalized like how one is via ethnicity. Most women don’t even understand how men feel when they are dismissed for not being some six-foot, six-figured, six-packed magazine model. No. It’s always “all about her”. Sorry, sister, it’s not just women who have “feelings”. Men are just generally more mature, more stoic and handle not being the one in control of the situation better.
Most men learned these skills in childhood. Women? In Western society many can’t seem to realize that they are no longer 7-years-old and that they really aren’t special snowflakes that the world must bow to.
Nothing Trumps Icky!
It doesn’t feel good. It feels icky. Dirty. But we do it because to not do it could put us in danger or get us fired or labeled a bitch. So we usually take the path of least precariousness.
It’s not something we talk about every day. We don’t tell our boyfriends and husbands and friends every time it happens. Because it is so frequent, so pervasive, that it has become something we just deal with.
It feels “icky”? That you concentrate on your “feelings” of something that is really more often an invention in your mind than reality is a window in to something along the lines of psychosis. Yes, it is borderline paranoia to think that most men are a physical threat to you, especially those that admire you. But to call it “icky”? That’s evidence of immaturity.
Considering too that in Western society, allegations of sexual harassment are taken seriously (and unwanted contact of a sexual nature would fall into that category). What? Are you suggesting that men do not feel any negative emotions from being rejected (especially if the rejection is clearly for something he has no control over? …and we’ll touch upon that in a moment). Being rebuffed happens to most men who aren’t the coveted A-listers all the time. Men deal with it. Don’t you think you, as an adult, should deal with your paranoia instead of asking the world to cater to you? Oh wait… does the “thought” of being an adult make you feel “icky”?
Oh, women don’t talk about that every day? Bull-shxt! The Internet is jam-packed with neo-feminists calling for legislation to stop men from looking at women, or acting “creepy”, or doing anything that makes women feel “icky” (aka “uncomfortable). You can’t visit any news site without see some story about how women are so hard done by with lies about the “wage gap” or “rape culture”. No. Stop being so dishonest. Women talk about this ALL… THE… TIME.
Men? The social pressure is that we don’t talk about being sensitive it AT ALL. We get that drilled into us at an early age. Just because we don’t cry doesn’t mean we do not feel pain. It’s just something we deal with.
Call me, “Maybe”
So maybe they don’t know. Maybe they don’t know that at the tender age of 13 we had to brush off adult men staring at our breasts. Maybe they don’t know that men our dad’s ages actually came on to us while we were working the cash register. They probably don’t know that the guy in English class who asked us out sent angry messages just because we turned him down. They may not be aware that our supervisor regularly pats us on the ass. And they surely don’t know that most of the time we smile, with gritted teeth. That we look away or pretend not to notice. They likely have no idea how often these things happen. That these things have become routine. So expected that we hardly notice it anymore.
Maybe you don’t know (or more likely refuse to entertain the notion). Maybe neo-feminists don’t want to know that men, at the tender age of say 10, figure out that you had to be wary of flashing your cash. It is one thing to show off since it makes you feel empowered and good (Oh, yeah, it’s all about “my feelings”), but it is another to accept that you still had to understand that others may be interested in it.
Maybe women don’t want to accept that men, even if they are 20 years older, are just as attracted to beauty as those who are actually 20. It’s just like being hungry. We all get hungry, but according to neo-feminists, men are not allowed to show it (especially not those who are, egad, “old”!)
Neo-feminists probably don’t want to know that there is a huge difference between merely declining an offer for a relationship and disrespecting others in doing so. Women in general don’t even want to explore the difference between how women reject men based on things that men cannot control. All the while men are generally attracted to things that are not only under one’s control, they measure attributes that speak volumes about the person. Women? They reject on lack of familial wealth, lack of height, not the right color of skin. Men? If she takes care of herself, then she’s worth considering. Stop lying, many women are all about immoral and inconsiderate decisions. THAT is more likely why the guy in the English class sent a nasty note. It’s not just because you didn’t date him.
It is unlikely any supervisor who exercises blatant and unwelcome physical contact wouldn’t suffer real consequences for those actions. In fact, a man recently lost his job for colorful comments on Facebook:
While some may quip that this fellow that made nasty comments to Clementine Ford “deserved it”, have a look at the constant barrage threats and wishes of bodily harm and death from trolls (which are clearly female) on topics that they don’t want broadcast online. The hostility harbored by neo-feminists is neither supportive of your claims nor justified at all. Don’t even pretend that women aren’t aware of this. Women already enjoy and abuse the double standard of conduct that is much in their favor.
The abuse levied at men that women take as their indentured “right” happens so often in modern western society that movements like MGTOW have sprung up. Basically, people are tired of the entitled attitude. The fallaciously based whining that women are so hard done by isn’t heard anymore. It shouldn’t.
“Mything” the Point
So routine that we go through the motions of ignoring it and minimizing. Not showing our suppressed anger and fear and frustration. A quick cursory smile or a clipped laugh will allow us to continue with our day. We de-escalate. We minimize it. Both internally and externally, we minimize it. We have to. To not shrug it off would put is in confrontation mode more often than most of us feel like dealing with.
No. The only thing that has become routine is how neo-feminists label anything that doesn’t elevate women to that of perfect beings (who can do no wrong) as “misogynistic”.
Closer to the truth is how things happen in the perceived relative safety of the Internet. Here, the true colors of neo-feminists are exposed for all to see. Any commentary that doesn’t fit their narrative is countered with ferocious hostility. Women will often “rationalize” this escalation as being due to latent anger. Quasi-moderates will always try to minimalize that by saying these aggressors do not represent the segment at large. This is false. Your approach, while not directly forceful is just as aggressive. The difference is that it is passively aggressive. It’s all about exploiting the sympathy vote while speciously denying any complicit action on the part of women.
The point is, and you support this: Women de-escalate not because they feel it is the correct course of action, they de-escalate mainly because they feel they may be at a disadvantage. This point is proven in how flippant and quick most neo-feminists are to applying ad hominem Online. If neo-feminists were after the truth, they wouldn’t be nearly as abrasive. The “truth” is that these encounters you speak of can easily be experienced with minimal negativity to both parties. The solution has a lot to do with being responsible and treating others with respect. All you seem to be doing is assuming practically all men are generally volatile primal beasts and deserve nothing be avoidance until you can safely disengage. No. for most, their own experience didn’t create this fear, neo-feminist propaganda maybe, but the streets are not THAT mean. Undeserved prejudice is insulting.
The Art of Delusion
We learn at a young age how to do this. We didn’t put a name or label to it. We didn’t even consider that other girls were doing the same thing. But we were teaching ourselves, mastering the art of de-escalation. Learning by way of observation and quick risk assessment what our reactions should and shouldn’t be.
Every child, male or female, eventually learns, and usually at a relatively early age that they aren’t always in authority. They know that others do it too. They all learn to not escalate when the potential outcome is likely to be them being defeated.
The difference is that neo-feminism tends to attract those that live in arrested childhood. In that blunted stage of development, women think that they should be sheltered by the guardian (be it parent, teacher, or society) from being responsible for her own lack of consideration for others. The message that neo-feminism sends out is “you go girl!” It’s all about empowerment without any sense of how that personal empowerment can and will impact the life experience of others. “I’ll be as attractive or unattractive as I want to be”.
If it’s the former, then “I” and “I” alone decide who shall react and how they shall react. Anyone who steps out of line is “making me uncomfortable” and the guardian should make them go away. Tell us what you think “Street Harassment” really is.
If it’s the latter, then “I” will ask that the guardian adopt a policy of shaming people for not including me as part of the “attractive” group. Sounds a lot like “fat acceptance” doesn’t it?
Those are some of the immature thought processes promoted by neo-feminism. Basically it’s all about divesting one of all responsibility of being a person and to the point that it tries to promote the legislation of what men’s reactions should and shouldn’t be.
Check Out Counter
We go through a quick mental checklist. Does he seem volatile, angry? Are there other people around? Does he seem reasonable and is just trying to be funny, albeit clueless? Will saying something impact my school/job/reputation? In a matter of seconds we determine whether we will say something or let it slide. Whether we’ll call him out or turn the other way, smile politely or pretend that we didn’t hear/see/feel it.
It happens all the time. And it’s not always clear if the situation is dangerous or benign.
By far the most important filter is missing from that checklist. That filter being, “Am I acting like an entitled brat that feels she has the right to decide who does and who does not have my coveted right to be attracted to me?”
If you have something that others desire then expect that there will be unsolicited requests. That is a part of living in a world with others. As a pre-emptive to hostile antagonists, that doesn’t immediately translate to having to accept or engage in conversation with all who make advances. However, it does mean that the desires of others is a reality. Have you never been hungry? Imagine a world where you can survive by tasteless gruel, yet you have a palate for a proper tasty and warm meal. However, because you don’t happen to be one of few who were born with a “feed me” look, you get turned down consistently. It’s, “Go home and eat bland nutrients, don’t even look at my menu”. To add insult to injury, a segment of very vocal restaurants demand that the government make laws so that unwanted people like yourself are not even allowed to peer at the restaurant across the street. Those inviting aromas and visuals? They are ONLY for wanted patrons.
You don’t know. But that is what the other side of the turned-up-nose endures. So, a little understanding of how a tiny bit of respect for what that guy in English class experiences would go a long way to maturing from this entitled attitude that neo-feminism promotes. No one is asking you to date every man that calls, but at least don’t disrespect the would-be suitors for looking at the menu. (Oh, and this scenario happens to a lot of men, not just the ones you rationalize as “virgins living in their momma’s basement”).
Men get it. Immature women do not. They eventually do when they hit the “wall” and are remarkably less physically attractive to men. Some just get angrier at that point (it as something to do with denial). Some finally get some window into how their arrogance was the problem. It’s not always clear, but no one likes to be disrespected (and that includes the men you dehumanize).
…and this one time, at Band Camp…
It is the boss who says or does something inappropriate. It is the customer who holds our tip out of reach until we lean over to hug him. It’s the male friend who has had too much to drink and tries to corner us for a “friends with benefits” moment even though we’ve made it clear we’re not interested. It’s the guy who gets angry if we turn him down for a date. Or a dance. Or a drink.
While we are sure these scenarios happen, these are highly subjective and it is dubious that it happens as often as some neo-feminists would like people to believe.
Bosses say all sorts of inappropriate things. If it’s not changing then go and find another place to work. If the boss was that bad, he or she will eventually run out of prospective employees. Chances are, it’s usually not as bad as alarmists make it sound. If you feel so inclined, you can always report him to the authorities. Discrimination is taken seriously by the law.
I’ve frequented many restaurants and have personally known many waitresses. Not once have I heard a story of some guy holding a tip at bay until he got a hug. If you are going to go play the victim card, at least make the story a little more plausible. It is with certainty, that the “other side of the story” may reveal a completely different tale.
I’ve often made it clear that trolls are unwelcome on the forum sites I frequent. However, these trolls tend to ignore that and ply their own agenda. Go figure. People chase what they covet. Of course the big difference is that the FWB solicitor believes his company is mutually beneficial. The troll, she is just trying to harm those she cannot silence. The alcohol was impairing your friend’s judgement. Chances are that troll posts while under the influence.
Again, the guy that gets angry for being rebuffed, the odds are high that you are rebuffing him based on a prejudice. While you are certainly within your rights to have any reason you want (even ones based on prejudice), you have to consider that aspect when rejecting people. As much as neo-feminists like to believe, it’s NOT all about you. Some of we men are lucky enough to get the odd uninvited solicitation. I’ve never gotten anything even remotely hostile when I rejected the bid. It has a lot to do with respecting the solicitor (and their incredibly good taste and outstanding courage).
…Well, not MY band camp, at my “Friend’s” band camp…
We see it happen to our friends. We see it happen in so many scenarios and instances that it becomes the norm. And we really don’t think anything of it. Until that one time that came close to being a dangerous situation. Until we hear that the “friend” who cornered us was accused of rape a day later. Until our boss makes good on his promise to kiss us on New Years Eve when he catches us alone in the kitchen. Those times stick out. They’re the ones we may tell your friends, our boyfriends, our husbands about.
The problem is that whatever you “see” you are apparently seeing through the biased lens of neo-feminism. The whole “rape accusation” angle lost a lot of credibility after it was revealed that the Rolling Stones story about a “rape victim” was completely fabricated. While it was a single case, it illustrates how the campaign to call practically anything where a woman feels “uncomfortable” as “sexual assault” has distorted reality to rationalize a victim mentality. Apparently women can accuse a man of rape with impunity (that is proven by fact and not merely a fantasy).
You keep bringing up that “boss”. If that was happening, most people would have removed themselves from the situation. Sure it “shouldn’t” happen, but there are bad people out there. Don’t work for him. There are many other bosses that don’t do that. The things that “stick out” for me are the plethora of times that neo-feminists cart out the shameless lies like “wage gap”, “rape culture” and “street harassment”. It’s time to stop thinking that the world has to cater to you to the point that you, and you alone decide which men will like what. Please. No one’s buying that entitlement any more.
But all the other times? All the times we felt uneasy or nervous but nothing more happened? Those times we just go about our business and don’t think twice about.
Malice in Wonderland
It’s the reality of being a woman in our world.
It’s laughing off sexism because we felt we had no other option.
It’s feeling sick to your stomach that we had to “play along” to get along.
It’s feeling shame and regret the we didn’t call that guy out, the one who seemed intimidating but in hindsight was probably harmless. Probably.
It’s taking our phone out, finger poised over the “Call” button when we’re walking alone at night.
It’s positioning our keys between our fingers in case we need a weapon when walking to our car.
It’s lying and saying we have a boyfriend just so a guy would take “No” for an answer.
It’s being at a crowded bar/concert/insert any crowded event, and having to turn around to look for the jerk who just grabbed our ass.
It’s knowing that even if we spot him, we might not say anything.
It’s walking through the parking lot of a big box store and politely saying Hello when a guy passing us says Hi. It’s pretending not to hear as he berates us for not stopping to talk further. What? You too good to talk to me? You got a problem? Pffft… bitch.
It’s not telling our friends or our parents or our husbands because it’s just a matter of fact, a part of our lives.
It’s the memory that haunts us of that time we were abused, assaulted or raped.
It’s the stories our friends tell us through heartbreaking tears of that time they were abused, assaulted or raped.
It’s realizing that the dangers we perceive every time we have to choose to confront these situations aren’t in our imagination. Because we know too many women who have been abused, assaulted or raped.
This is the reality of being a child in an adult world.
Neo-feminism is sexist by its definition and in its practice. Advocates have become so sanctimonious that any resistance is met with righteous indignation and all sorts of straw man arguments are erected to beat with ferocity.
Every one of us “plays along” in some way, shape or form in a social settings. How entitled women think they should be exempt from this is indicative of immaturity. I don’t recall a situation where one can really be “honest” in say a corporate meeting, or in front of a biker gang (hey, maybe I don’t like Harleys, but keeping it to myself is probably a good thing in certain situations)… it doesn’t make me sick to my stomach either.
Its realizing that thinking one should have “called someone out” is just trying to exercise dominance over someone else. Maybe he was just being honest, and that honesty didn’t agree with your views. Does that require you trying to publicly humiliate someone? Seriously, think about what you are suggesting and what it really says about your attitude.
If your finger is “poised” over the emergency hot-key on your phone, it is perhaps time you recognize that neo-feminism has lied to you when they said, “womyn strong!” What you are experiencing is that it is still a harsh world out there and that is one of the reasons why women need men. As much as neo-feminists love to act all big-n-strong, they are not. It’s no different than a guy walking in the jungle. There are plenty of predators. If I choose to walk alone, then I either learn to defend myself or don’t walk alone. Crying about how the world isn’t protecting you when you place yourself at risk, is, well, irrational.
Positioning your keys as a weapon is no different than locking your door on the way out of your house. It’s just prudent behavior. We can all cry about how it would be so much easier if none of us had to bother with locks and keys but the criminal element exists. We just have to take steps to reduce the chances of being victimized. Does that mean men don’t understand that women are physically far more vulnerable? No. We get it. That’s why our natural instinct is to protect you all. Don’t mistake that to mean you can act like spoiled children though.
If you want to use the lie that you “have a boyfriend” that’s your prerogative. However, do understand that it’s a lie, and many guys can see right through that. Remember that part about “respecting” others? It’s definitely not respecting a guy if you lie to him this way. Sure some guys are persistent, but honesty (as in, you are just not that interested) is a much better policy in the long run. There are ways to get that point across without being demeaning or flippant. It is that tact that many women seem to not be able to manage. That might have a lot to do with how men learn the skill of respecting other men in that disrespecting them will lead to escalation. Women have the same response. The difference is that each resort to their weapon of choice. For men it is usually fists (or knees, elbows and head butts for the more experienced…), while women apply shaming, social exclusion and passive aggression (yes, I know who keyed my car).
Even guys get groped once in a while. Let’s see, it’s loud, women are dress provocatively (even if you aren’t, others are), the men are young and filled with testosterone, and, fueled by alcohol… just what were you expecting? Neo-feminists like to believe that a woman can act with complete disregard of the sexual response mechanism of men, yet “feel good” about being beautiful “just for themselves”. If you are one of those that subscribe to that, dress up to the nines… in the safety of your own home. You are lying if you think that being coveted isn’t part of what makes you feel good. Well, that coveting is not without its side-effects. It is no different than parading steaks in front of hungry people (and doing so because you actually like the attention). Someone’s going to be very hungry and reach out. There’s no “judgement” on what’s right or wrong. Rather it’s all part of human nature. Next time you are really hungry, place your snack of choice in front of yourself. You’ll be surprised at how you’ll catch yourself grabbing a chip even when you consciously try not to. When it comes to sex, men are hungry and you are delicious. We understand that. Neo-feminists pretend that isn’t true.
Tell your boyfriends or husbands. Most of them will couch it in euphemism to avoid hostile response, but they will offer you similar advice. I’m sure some will lie and say, “No! My boyfriend is respectful” No. He’s just saying what you want to hear. The truth is that Western society has created a generation of solipsistic women that are so caught up with “womyn strong” that finding out that they aren’t is far too painful to accept.
It’s about realizing and accepting that men, even that guy you walk past and dismiss, have feelings too. Sure, you are not personally responsible for all the times he’s been curtly rejected by other women, but to ignore that it affects someone when insensitivity is a “one way street” to many women is naïve. Sure, you don’t “owe” it to him to be a more empathetic to his desires, and you are definitely not obligated to accept anyone’s invitation. However, as much as you feel men should be more aware of your “feelings”, you should practice what you preach, and, be more cognizant of his. It’s not “all about you” so his feelings in the encounter are as valid as yours. Rejection hurts. This response is a rejection of your ideas. Does it feel good? Be honest. Of course, the difference is that while you won’t give the person you reject anything more than a passing “hello”, I’ve spent the time to offer you some detailed insight.
It’s only a matter of time before every single one of these “my feelings” rants dredges up the “rape” card. Firstly, only neo-feminists think that people don’t see through how they redefine “sexual assault” to mean anything from actual violent attack down to “feeling uncomfortable”. When descriptions get that nebulous, it is because there is a need to exaggerate to earn sympathy. It’s a “human shield” such that any criticism is justification for righteous indignation. “What? You think rape is OK? You think that rape isn’t real?” Etc. Etc. Sure “rape” is real and should be dealt with to the full extent of the law, but false claims (and that includes claiming “sexual assault” as defined by neo-feminists) reveal the kind of dishonesty that surrounds the “we girls are perfect and we are the victims” (aka neo-feminism) narrative. Apparently, everyone personally knows a “rape victim” and anyone who disagrees is just insensitive. See how that works? Stop with the extremism. It really destroys credibility since few men commit or have desires to commit actual rape.
“We HAVE to choose to confront”? Anytime someone chooses to “confront” they are entering the arena as a combatant. You seem to harbor much aggression, and, as you have described, it is only the fear of losing the conflict that keeps you from regularly dropping the gloves. A guy propositioning you is rarely a nexus upon which only choices are “accept date”, “run from fight” or “fight the sucka!” The situation doesn’t have to be a tense one. You can say no and walk away. If the guy gets all snippy then understand that you are just the latest of a long line-up of women that have said “no”. That is all. You don’t HAVE to choose to attempt to control HIS feelings. What? YOU feel uncomfortable with him vocalizing his “opinion”? Well, consider that you are vocalizing yours here online? Anyone that doesn’t like it can surf elsewhere just like how you can just walk away. If he follows you, if he blocks your path… then that’s a different thing and you can rest assured that guys like me will intervene. If he’s just yapping, then practice what neo-feminists pretend to preach: be just like a man and walk away. We really don’t get bothered by trash talk (If it’s a-barking, it’s not a-biting).
It occurred to me recently that a lot of guys may be unaware of this. They have heard of things that happened, they have probably at times seen it and stepped in to stop it. But they likely have no idea how often it happens. That it colors much of what we say or do and how we do it.
No. You are just rationalizing. Most men are fully aware of how often women, especially the attractive ones are hit on. We personally witness it, or hear about it from our girlfriends and wives all the time. What colors you in this regard is this sense of entitlement that you decide who is supposed to be overtly attracted to you.
Sexism and the Citizenry
Maybe we need to explain it better. Maybe we need to stop ignoring it to ourselves, minimizing it in our own minds.
The guys that shrug off or tune out when a woman talks about sexism in our culture? They’re not bad guys. They just haven’t lived our reality. And we don’t really talk about the everyday stuff that we witness and experience. So how could they know?
So, maybe the good men in our lives have no idea that we deal with this stuff on regular basis.
Maybe you need to recognize that whining about being hit on is really just a way of bragging about how coveted you are. In situations like a reasonably frequented parking lot is not a relatively “dangerous” situation. It’s like when people lament about how expensive this or that was. It’s just a form of vanity. Your whole gripe is about how confronting (as in “starting a fight”) is usually not an option for you since you are a woman. Well, women are physically far weaker. Why cry about it? Use the strengths that you have (and “whining” is not one of them).
People tune out the “sexism” that neo-feminists rant about because it is self-serving, not reflective of society as a whole and just plain old childish. In perspective, Western society is biased in favor of women and neo-feminists know it. That these false egalitarians have to tell bold-faced lies (“wage gap”, “rape statistics’, etc…) is quite telling that they KNOW they don’t have a real case. Neo-feminism is sexist. Stop rationalizing.
Men deal with not being the control in situations on a daily basis. Yet, you don’t see them regularly whining about how their “feelings” were hurt or that they decided to not start a fight for fear of losing. You need to accept that the world does not revolve around you or your “feelings”. This “special snowflake” message that Western society allowed to infect the system has to stop. Listen to yourself. You are sounding like someone deep in delusion.
Maybe it is so much our norm that it didn’t occur to us that we would have to tell them.
No. The norm is that solipsistic children have not figured out that their hurt feelings are not a justification for the sexist attitudes that neo-feminism promotes.
Drinking the Fool-Aid
It occurred to me that they don’t know the scope of it and they don’t always understand that this is our reality. So, yeah, when I get fired up about a comment someone makes about a girl’s tight dress, they don’t always get it. When I get worked up over the every day sexism I’m seeing and witnessing and watching… when I’m hearing of the things my daughter and her friends are experiencing… they don’t realize it’s the tiny tip of a much bigger iceberg.
No. If anything you are trying to rationalize your way out of the morass of cognitive dissonance that one gets trapped in when the delusion of neo-feminism is shattered by reality.
So don’t be shocked that your concepts do not stand up to logical arguments or that being offended by a comment about a tight dress doesn’t mean the comment is inaccurate. You can’t seem to understand that people react in different ways to stimuli and “your” way isn’t necessarily the way they decide to react. You undoubtedly get worked up by anything that doesn’t fit your agenda, but that doesn’t mean those things are truly “sexist”. I challenge you to tell me how, for instance, the First World legal system (and that’s a big “for instance”) is sexist against women. If anything, that system is atrociously biased in favor of women.
What you witness or relay vicariously is suspiciously just as biased. Please. This selective cognition of things is very much the tip of the sexist iceberg called “neo-feminism”.
Maybe I’m realizing that men can’t be expected to understand how pervasive everyday sexism is if we don’t start telling them and pointing to it when it happens. Maybe I’m starting to realize that men have no idea that even walking into a store women have to be on guard. We have to be aware, subconsciously, of our surroundings and any perceived threats.
There’s no “maybe” about how you are applying a passive aggressive approach here. You do so when you rationalize that it has to be “men not being cognitive of these clear challenges that women face”. That’s a back-handed attempt at shaming men for not being more “aware”.
The truth is that it is based on the fallacy that these challenges are anything more than feeling angst because one can’t normally act out what is really a revenge fantasy. You want to publically humiliate men for having the audacity of propositioning you, or for making you feel uncomfortable.
If walking into a store in the First World is that much of a challenge, one has to wonder just what kind of paranoia exists in your mind. The last time I checked, shoe stores were not shadowy glens where danger lurks behind every pair of Gucci’s. Could it be that men cannot fathom how grocery stores are where felons wait to pounce on unsuspecting shoppers? You go from talking about the odd fellow with some lame “hey baby, want to go out” to a scenario where Hannibal Lector is hiding in aisle 3. It’s this type of alarmist attitude that is your problem. It isn’t this mythical “sexist” attitude.
Of course, we all have to be situationally aware in the real world. As much as we create and maintain a society where we protect the weak, we expect the weak to at least help themselves by not being a victim. Get over yourself. Really. We’ll do our best to keep Hannibal away, but stop thinking that every guy that asks a woman out is a serial killer.
Level 5 Alert! Avengers Assemble! Man asking a woman out made her uncomfortable
Maybe I’m starting to realize that just shrugging it off and not making a big deal about it is not going to help anyone.
Normal people would shrug off any less than amicable response to being rejected as just that. That you think public humiliation (deserved or not) is to be meted out as a punishment, and meted out specifically by you, is indicative of some latent hostility. That you try to rationalize that aggression as necessary to “helping” is typical of how radicals “think”. Right. You are “helping” the world by trying to shame men because they make you feel uncomfortable. Do you really not see the problem with that?
Wanting to directly tell a guy off for asking you out? You are not seeking understanding or harmony. You are seeking to unload your angst by harming others.
We are acutely aware of our vulnerability. Aware that if he wanted to? That guy in the Home Depot parking lot could overpower us and do whatever he wants.
I am not certain what kind of neighborhood your Home Depot is in, but the one’s I’ve been to seem a lot safer than you describe. I’m sure the hostile troll types will argue that “well, this one time, at this seemingly harmless Home Depot, blah, blah, blah… You’re a jerk!” …but the odds of being overpowered by some guy targeting women in a place where many men who are handy with swinging a hammer frequent is specious at best. Felons are aggressive and malicious, but they aren’t that stupid.
While you may be acutely aware of how women are generally a lot less physically capable than a typical man, what you are not aware of is that you are arguing from emotion rather than from a logical position. Because a small segment of the population are predators does not mean no man should be allowed to approach you with a proposition, much less suffer the fusillade of public lambasting you intend to unleash on him (but are often too afraid of consequence to actually do so.)
You clearly wish to attack, but admittedly only suppress the assault because you fear instant escalation into a reprisal contest that has dire consequences.
Woman, I feel like a Man (…and never the ‘twain shall meet)
Guys, this is what it means to be a woman. We are sexualized before we even understand what that means. We develop into women while our minds are still innocent. We get stares and comments before we can even drive. From adult men. We feel uncomfortable but don’t know what to do, so we go about our lives. We learn at an early age, that to confront every situation that makes us squirm is to possibly put ourselves in danger. We are aware that we are the smaller, physically weaker sex. That boys and men are capable of overpowering us if they choose to. So we minimize and we de-escalate.
Gretchen, this is what it means to be a man in the eyes of neo-feminists. We are vilified as would-be felons before they even understand who we are individually. Neo-feminists developed this guilt before innocence through succumbing to the propaganda of their sexist agenda. We get called “jerks and creeps” for merely stating the truth and backing it up with logical arguments. What drives these women into behaving like children even though they are physically adults?
Apparently if a woman feels “uncomfortable” it is always a man, or society at fault. Any mention of this, and trolls counter with straw man arguments like “are you saying that rape doesn’t happen?” Rarely (if ever) do you see the self-righteous, step back and look at how they try to remove all responsibility from women. What’s even more telling is that apparently any compliment or solicitation will be seen as making her feel uncomfortable (unless of course, you are one of the top tier men, then you are impressing her friends, so that might be OK). Never do you see the “equality” warriors considering how rejection makes a man feel. Then again, some of us are more “equal” than others.
While all children learn at an early age that being confrontational is not a prudent course of action when one is likely to lose the escalated contest, neo-feminists apparently do not feel it applies to them. They seem to think that society needs to defend them when they wish to publicly lambaste a man as if it is a woman’s “right” to berate others in front of their peers (especially for being so “rude” to think that she could possibly be interested in him.) You might think that is being sardonic, but it is not. That is exactly what you are defending.
Women may be aware they are usually at a disadvantage physically, but few (especially through the virtual invincibility that the Internet offers) recognize that an emotional argument is seriously disadvantaged when confronted by a logical one. Few neo-feminists back down and honorably admit that their arguments were defeated either. In fact, most just dig in their heels resort to deflective arguments or the tried and true ad hominem. A quick perusal of the comments show the same old poor arguments of the misguided social justice warrior. An example would be those who think that men “didn’t” experience the same thing the women did growing up. This is FALSE. Boys are as much targeted by predators as girls are. That’s just one example. The key here is that the sexist attitude masqueraded as modern feminism is obvious to many. THAT is why people don’t listen to emotional, yet logically unfounded plaints like yours.
What? Are you Sand People? (You frighten easily, but will be back, and in greater numbers?) You temporarily minimize and escalate when you feel safer (much like what you are doing now).
Noise will be Noise
So, the next time a woman talks about being cat-called and how it makes her uncomfortable, don’t dismiss her. Listen.
The next time your wife complains about being called “Sweetheart” at work, don’t shrug in apathy. Listen.
The next time you read about or hear a woman call out sexist language, don’t belittle her for doing so. Listen.
The next time your girlfriend tells you that the way a guy talked to her made her feel uncomfortable, don’t shrug it off. Listen.
Listen because your reality is not the same as hers.
Listen because her concerns are valid and not exaggerated or inflated.
Listen because the reality is that she or someone she knows personally has at some point been abused, assaulted, or raped. And she knows that it’s always a danger of happening to her.
Listen because even a simple comment from a strange man can send ripples of fear through her.
Listen because she may be trying to make her experience not be the experience of her daughters.
If catcalls bother you then you can simply not listen to it. Just like this response, you can choose to completely ignore it or attempt to rebut it. Of course, any attempt at a rebuttal will be seen as just an emotional response if it is nothing more than ad hominem or the usual deflective tactics. People have every right to vocalize their “opinion” just like how you are doing. People can have an unfounded “opinion” on me as well. I’m certain that trolls will call me all sorts of things. The question is: Do you think that makes me uncomfortable or intimidate me in any way? My posting history should be a strong clue as the answer to that rhetorical. Neo-feminist have this sense of ENTITLEMENT that they, and they alone are sole arbiter on who can comment on anything. The world doesn’t work that way.
Getting called “sweetheart” is hardly uncivilized. Context is important. Even so, just what is so negative about it? Feminists love to tout this “equality” thing but have real issues when they get treated like one of the boys. We call the people we like “losers” and “big shot” all the time at work. It’s a bit of camaraderie because that’s what happens when guys are familiar with each other. But here you go, you want the “equality” when it suits you, but retreat to the “difference” between the sexes when it doesn’t. Again, have a look at the trolls that frequent sites where they know they don’t have a logical argument. Many of the ones I encounter excel at calling men all manner of unflattering names (especially when their weak arguments are destroyed). Let me guess, you’ll say we “deserve” it, right?
Next time you think certain things are “sexist” language, stop and listen to why people are paying little respect to it. Stop assuming that you are “right” just because you “feel” that way. People are tired of modern feminist’s trying to re-write English to suit their narrative. But, yes… you are right! There is sexist language. Please, tell me how feminism, the “equality” movement it pretends to be, feels about “mansplaining”, “man spreading”, and “boy toy”. Well? These are intentionally derogatory terms focused on males. Just what have you been listening to? We are waiting.
Feeling “uncomfortable” with language makes sense if there are intentionally derogatory terms like racial slurs, but generally the words or phrases that neo-feminists feel uncomfortable about are frivolous to the point of being ridiculous. An example would be like having to replace “spokesman” with “spokesperson”. Pray tell, just how hard is neo-feminism working on replacing “Mother of Invention” with “Parent of Invention”? Shouldn’t “Man-o-War” be “Person-o-War”? Why is the “better half” always a reference to the wife? Neo-feminists seem to practice a lot of selective cognition.
Her reality is not the same as someone else’s? No. Reality doesn’t change. The people’s perceptions may differ, but the reality is the same. The problem, as has been carefully proven to you here is in how those who buy the neo-feminist propaganda speciously apply selective cognition of reality. People don’t listen to the fallaciously based whines of immature people, and they shouldn’t.
If her concerns are anything like yours they are completely exaggerated at best and more likely fallaciously based. (pre-emptive to emotional critics: Don’t even try to say that this is saying “assault” and “rape” is not real. They are, but thinking that “feeling uncomfortable” with not laying into some guy asking you out is even remotely the same as “men are prone to assaulting and raping” you are being ridiculous). You are just promoting irrational thinking, fear mongering, and propagating a “victim” attitude.
Shameful! Stop speciously representing the possibility of an event and ignoring the remote probability of that event. Don’t even try the false ratios that the rape alarmist myth pushers put out there. Violent sexual assault is a lot rarer than neo-feminists lie about. Not only that, but some guy hitting on you in the Home Depot parking lot is not “OMG, he’s a rapist, I better empty the entire canister of Grizzly grade bear spray into that perp’s face!!!” Your sensationalism is a big part of why most people just roll their eyes at blogs like yours. Everybody knows “somebody” who had a bad thing happen, so it that “proof” that those guys whistling at a pretty girl are just waiting for the right moment to gang bang some unsuspecting woman. Sorry, but the minute people start in on this “human shield” routine (as in, you are marginalizing this friend of a friend who was assaulted) you are basically using an emotional argument.
That’s the catch-all rationalization isn’t it? As long has you “feel” uncomfortable or threatened, it is suddenly everyone else’s fault. Hey, how about guys say they “feel” uncomfortable with the existence of your blog so therefore it must be misandry and something society should outlaw. The reality (yes, reality) is that if it left to perception, it is still necessarily the perception of the reasonable person. That’s how it works in the eyes of the law. YOU do not decide what is uncomfortable for the general populace. Sure, you can personally feel “uncomfortable” or “threatened” by Hello Kitty, but that doesn’t make it the line in the sand for most. Ripples of fear? From some guy awkwardly asking you out or saying that you look great? Please. Listen to yourself. That is why people don’t listen.
If someone was wanting to make the world a safer place for their daughters, they should start with getting away from this kind of fear-mongering and passive aggression. The moment you apply these kinds of “human shield” arguments by holding up people’s children in the way, you are using underhanded tactics. Reasonable arguments do not need this kind of disingenuous support. You should ask yourself why in lieu of logic you have to apply them.
It’s just words…
Listen because nothing bad can ever come from listening.
This is dishonest in every way.
Firstly, all sorts of bad things are founded in campaigns of misinformation. I’ve shown in great detail where you’ve applied half-truths, non sequitur illogic and general fear mongering. Political movements are all about attracting the vulnerable and filling them with hopes of realizing their revenge fantasies. Your clearly passive aggressive blame game (as in “insensitive men” are basically rapists in dormancy) is pure misandry and that needs to be exposed.
Secondly, that you say “just” listen unequivocally says that men are to listen and not speak. Hence you demonstrate that you have no intention of a dialogue and therefore do not plan to entertain anything that doesn’t fit your narrative.
Seriously, Gretchen, it is you that needs to recognize that “rape culture” is an invention of neo-feminism, and withers under the scrutiny of a logical examination. You are nurturing antagonistic and sexist views. It’s time stop listening to neo-feminism.